Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I'm Trying to Get Better At This

Ok, so I know I said that I was going to try and write an update at least every Friday (I may have not written that here, but I told that to myself), and I didn't. I know that I said that I was going to write in here more often than I used to, but I really don't think that I am. As much as I am trying to become an everyday writer on my online journal/blog/whatever, I don't see that happening very soon. When I get home from work, I usually just check up on my fav blogs and websites, watch tv, and go to bed. I don't have the energy to crouch over a side table (i don't have a desk yet) and try to organize my thoughts into and entry. While I am at work, I do have free time, but I don't want to run the risk of having one of my co-workers discover my blog and start reading it regularly. Even as I write this I hope that no one wanders over to my desk and finds out the URL. See, I kindof enjoy the fact that not alot of people (maybe no one but myself), especially those in my everyday life, keep up with this thing. I mean, if I start to get into a rhythm and write more and more personal things about myself, it would be weird to know that everyone around me knows about these things and just aren't saying anything to me. Now I am sure that anyone reading this (hello? anyone out there?) would think that if I didn't want people knowing my personal business, then I probably shouldn't post it on the internet. And to that, I have a very simple explanation: it's fun!

It really is fun when you are sharing your life story with complete strangers, and unbeknownst to you, they are vicariously going through this journey with you. In the past, when i had an online journal, I would sometimes share something really crazy that happened in my life, and not only did the act of e-purging make me feel more at peace with the incident, but sometimes someone out there in cyberspace would comment with something like "i can't believe that you went through that! that's crazy" or "I went through something just like that, I feel so sorry for you man" or "Omg, I am so jealous of you right now". Just that small sense of connection can bring you a serenity that sharing with some of your closest friends can't even bring. Now I am not saying that sharing my stories with my friends isn't beneficial, but I am saying that sometimes your friends are not available, or sometimes they just cannot understand what you are going through. Personally, I have had points in my life where I really felt like I was going through something very serious, but I could not tell my friends about it, because I don't want them to give me the "quit bitching" speech or the "i've got it way worse than you" crap. It's nice to have an impartial audience. And other than that, I prefer writing things online to writing in a paper journal sometimes because I have had a few incidences in the past where I had my private thoughts made public against my will, and it was not enjoyable in the least. It's like that nightmare where you are at school naked and you can't go anywhere. This way, people I know can't find it unless they search for it. I don't post my URL on Facebook or Myspace or anything, I leave it to chance if someone I know happens upon my page.

However, I would like to compile more entries when I do take the time to post on here, so from now on, instead of trying to limit myself to one entry per sit-down, I will write all the entries that I can, that way, it should even out the spaces in between periods of time. We'll see how it goes.

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