Do you ever find yourself taking yourself too seriously?
I have a nice little studio apartment, and I find myself not decorating it because I don't want it to look silly. Now anyone that knows me, knows that I can get pretty silly at times. I have video footage of me acting a FOOL back in high school, and some pretty incriminating pictures of myself in college being all kinds of foolish in college (fyi, when drunk, i can do a mean drag impersonation of a crazy Caribbean bag lady, although not on purpose....), but for some reason, towards the end of my college career and my entrance into the working world, somewhere along the line I got the idea that seriousness (i don't know if that's a word but it sounds good) translated into maturity. So while I have bought a few random items for my apartment, like a shitload of free strings of xmas lights and a framed collage of Audrey Hepburn photos that i bought from a street vendor in NYC, I have not posted any of them in my apartment for fear that it will look tacky and childish. Why do I do that? Whose approval am I searching for?
Well, to a degree, there is someone whose approval that I am searching for.....sort of. Now before I say this, feel no need to slap the shit out of me, I have already mentally done it. So save your manicures, my face isn't worth it.
This guy I met last summer seemed to be everything that I wanted to be, and was someone that I could see myself being with. He was intelligent, driven, and had a strong idea of who he was, a skill that I am always just shy of mastering. He was living out here in DC by himself, taking care of himself, working full time, interning on Capitol Hill, and actually has aspirations of becoming president one day, with a tangible plan of action that's been put into place. However, beyond his modest-yet-tasteful studio apartment in the Foggy Bottom area of DC, just blocks from Georgetown, the one thing that occurred to me was this: he takes himself waaay too seriously. I mean, that is not to say that he doesn't laugh at anything or go out to a club, but when he does laugh he never brings himself to tears or snorts or almost makes a drink come out of his nose, and when he goes to a club, I can almost guarantee that he doesn't cut any kind of rug. So despite my admiration for his focus and drive, I do not admire how guarded he keeps himself and how he never lets his metaphoric hair down (i say metaphoric because i have never seen his hair longer than mine, which I never allow to grow longer than about 3/4 of an inch). As much as I would like to be seen by the world as an adult, I don't want to be seen as a stick in the mud. So put that hand back down and get out of the pimp-slapping stance.
I remember when I was in college, and I was kind of feeling like my room lacked a certain sense of, oh i dunno, whimsy. So, I got out some calendars that I bought for cheap at a book store (why i felt the urge to buy them in the first place i can't recall), one was Winnie the Pooh, and one was The Wizard of Oz (Judy Garland not L. Frank Baum), and I just ripped them up and put random shots of Winnie the Pooh an Lumpy the Heffalump in my room along with images of Dorothy and the Tin Man. When people walked in, they would be like "umm....yeah, how old are you?" followed by "umm....yeah, how gay are you?" but I didn't care. Whenever I walked in my room, I always had something to smile at whenever I was having a shitty day.
I think that you cannot let what your perception of what getting older will be like get in the way of what getting older actually is like. Sometimes you need a good laugh, sometimes you need a good tantrum (or outburst, as adults like to euphemistically refer to it), and sometimes you just need to run around in circles and then fall down in the middle of a grassy field. What is life without a little humor? My answer: Hell.
Now if you'll excuse me, I had Thai for lunch, and all the curry goodness is making me sleepy. But when I get home, I think that I will be adding a little whimsy to my apartment.
Friday, March 20, 2009
A Much Needed Sense of Humor
Sunday, March 15, 2009
What A Day I Had!
So, I had a fun day yesterday. Despite the inclement weather (aka overcast for like 4 straight days with nothing but a sprinkling of rain.....it just looks gross) I made the best of a crummy day. First me, my friend Steven and his boo went to Target and did a little grocery shopping, because I don't know if I told you all about the new diet that I'm on: Every weekend, I consume numerous frozen treats, usually varying between bomb pops, push ups, and ice cream sandwiches. Then, I wash that down with a plethora of bowls of Cocoa Crispies cereal and Minute Maid Raspberry Lemonade. Now under this strict diet, it requires you to spend at least 10 hours a day either sitting in front of a computer screen, or a television screen, preferably both. Under this new regimen, I have not only not lost any weight, but I have not even weighed myself since before I started. Now if that's not determination, I don't know what is.
My friend Ricky (unaware of my strict diet) agreed to go thrift store shopping in Silver Spring, Maryland with me, giving me an excuse to break my diet. I mean, aren't you supposed to take a day off diets once in a while? So, we both hopped on public transit from our respective homes, met up in the downtown Silver Spring area, and proceeded to wander around looking for thrift stores and such, in the shitty mist that presented itself as rain. Because Ricky wasn't enjoying the shitty mist, we only went to the one that was close enough to walk quickly to. By the time we figured out where it was and got there, they were 5 min from closing for the day. We were able to do a quick perusal of their inventory (not alot, two 3-foot rows of men's clothes, whoop...) but I did find a book, the cover looked really interesting, and for 50 cents I figured that if it sucks it was still worth it to buy and find out. The book is titled The Big Book of Misunderstanding, by Jim Gladstone. I saw the title, and it spiked my interest. So I pulled it off of the shelf, and I saw the cover. It was probably one of the most intriguing covers that I had seen in a while. I then scanned the back, and saw that it was a novel narrated by a 22-year-old and it talks about his crazy family. At that moment, I was sold.
I get it home, only to find out that a): it's a work of gay fiction, and b): it's an AUTOGRAPHED copy! how random is that? I would say that it's really random, at least the part about it being a gay novel, but I seem to have a sixth sense for gay literature. I don't know what it is about me, but I can think of at least 3 times off the top of my head, one of them being Invisible Life (the book that essentially lead to my coming to terms with my sexuality as well as awakening it), that I randomly picked up a book because the cover struck something in me, took it home without knowing what it was about, and found out that it was a gay book. In terms of Invisible Life, I saw some girl reading it, saw the cover, and was instantly infatuated with finding out what book it was and giving it a read.It changed my life. Now I am not saying that this book will have such a profound effect on me, but the fact that I would randomly find a personalized copy of a book about a 22-year-old gay man in a small thrift store in another city right before they close for the day seems like a pretty big coinky-dink.
After we left the thrift store, we strolled around the shopping area doing what we always do: checking out cute butts and talking about what aspirations we have.
Since the shitty mist wasn't going anywhere and we wanted to keep hanging out, I convinced him to come and see Slumdog Millionaire at, guess where? The AFI Silver Theater!! The theater we were in was beautiful. It didn't so much have that Grand Ol' Opry feel, but it just felt better than the other theaters that I have been to; it had character. They are going to be starting a Paul Newman tribute, so I definitely cannot wait to go back. And Ricky loved Slumdog Millionaire, so that made it all the more enjoyable. Then we each went home, and I went back to my diet. All in all, it was a great day........ despite the shitty mist.
I have recently become obsessed with Diablo Cody, the writer of Juno and United States of Tara. She's a longtime blogger, stripped for a year, wrote an Oscar-winning comedy about a pregnant teenager, and now writes about a mother with multiple personalities and her wacky family, what's not to love? I also just finished watching Terms of Endearment. Such a good movie, I can't believe that I never watched it before. Shirley MacLaine is amazing, period.
Now if you'll excuse me, there's an ice cream sandwich calling my name.
P.S. I just realized that I can check thrift shopping and AFI Theater off of my goals list! Wohoo!
Friday, March 13, 2009
New Video: Britney Spears - If You Seek Amy
Ok, so for anyone that knows me, I was not always a big Britney Spears fan. I constantly mocked her, would occasionally bop to one or two of her singles off of each album, but never was I a Britney Spears fanatic. However, I don't know what it was about her last album Blackout, but I loved it. I can listen to the whole thing all the way through without even rolling an eye or skipping a track. So when the new album Circus came out, I then fell in love with Womanizer, Circus, and some other tracks, including the tongue-in-cheek "If You Seek Amy". Now I will admit that I was one of the slowheads that did not instantaneously get the joke (for all those slower than me, If You Seek Amy translates to F.U.C.K. Me, get it? Now I am sorry to bother you, please go back to your Highlights magazines and Backyardigans coloring books) but once I did, I thought that it was hilarious that she would make this song, and waited to see how long it took for the radio stations to catch on and censor the song in some way shape or form. Now apparently the radio edit is "If You SEE Amy", so now there's no problem......right? I mean who wants to get F.U.C.A.'ed? not me. I love how the video plays on the tongue-in-cheek idea, while still making the video make sense regardless. Like how although at one point Britney is dressed like a suburban homemaker, she is surrounded by scantly clad dancers gyrating in her general direction. Well, hope you enjoy it as much as I did. This previously bald-headed bitch is doing things, and I am proud of her. Take a peek:
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Television Recommendation: United States of Tara
Ok, I dunno if anyone out here has heard of this show (though you probably have), but this show is AMAZING. Produced by Steven Spielberg, aired on Showtime cable network, you can't expect anything less than excellence.
First of all, you have Toni Collete, better known for her role as Muriel in that classic film Muriel's Wedding (more recently in Little Miss Sunshine), playing a wife and mother of two kids. On the surface sounds like a basic show: a nice suburban family of four living in Kansas. However, the plot twist is that her character, Tara, has split personality disorder (UPDATE: this is wrong, apparently the correct name is Dissociative Identity Disorder, or D.I.D. for short). One minute she is herself, the next she turns into T: the 15-year-old girl who smokes weed, plays Dance Dance Revolution and buys birth control for Tara's daughter, Alice: the 1950s style housewife who cooks for bake sales and does household chores in a string of pearls, or Buck: the male redneck gun enthusiast who thinks that he lost his penis in the Vietnam war and sexually harasses women. When the show starts, you are to believe that these are the three alternate personalities that take over Tara's body whenever they get the chance, but are these three it? Why does she have these personalities? Will she ever be able to get rid of them? All this is explored further throughout the season.
Although Tara has had this disorder for apparently quite some time, it is still amazing to watch how each family member deals with her different alters in their own way. Her husband, played by John Corbett (previously Aiden on Sex and the City), is constantly trying to maintain a level of balance within the family, consistently not allowing Tara's "alters" to dominate family functions. Who's to say that Alice cannot go to a parent/teacher conference? Or that Buck can't go to a school recital? He also spends some time trying to keep the two female alters from trying to sleep with him, which we are to understand is not cool with Tara.
Her daughter, played by Brie Larson, is probably one of the funniest to see interact with the alters. She seems like best friends with T, is constantly annoyed by Alice, and wants Buck to stop hitting on her friends. In essence, she seems like the normal 15-year-old girl, just trying to not be too embarrassed by her parents.
Her son, played by Keir Gilchrist , is probably one of the most fascinating family members to me, though it might be because he's gay. At 14-years-old, he dresses in vintage sweater vests and cardigans, drinks chai in bed, and would prefer to read Valley of the Dolls at the shooting range than actually shoot a gun. The writers were also courageous enough to give him something of a romantic storyline, developing a crush on a classmate played by Andrew Lawrence (that's right, younger brother of actors Joey and Matt Lawrence......that boy grew UP).
Tara also has a sister, Charmaine, who does not seem very sympathetic to her sister's plight, and would rather her just "stop pretending and act normal", so I'm assuming that she hasn't picked up a psychology book in about 50 years........... Though you soon find out that Charmaine has problems of her own, as funny as they may be.
Apparently the show has already been picked up by Showtime for a 2nd season, and I couldn't be happier. If you have Showtime, or can find the episodes online, I would definitely recommend watching this show. I promise that you won't be disappointed. It's well written, well acted, and flat out hilarious. My only complaint: it's 30min long, where I think that it could definitely be 1hr per episode. But it seems that all Showtime comedies run 30 mins, ie Weeds and Californication.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Another Random, Past Due, UPDATE
Ok, so I planned to write a few times, and never did. I have been writing more, though. I have been going back and forth between a few of my different vehicles of writing. I have always had an actual hand-written journal, then I have a more private online account that is not open to the public that I use from time to time, and then I have just recently revisited for the first time in a full year. But I feel like I am making progress with it, so I feel happy, surprisingly. Looking back at my entry where I stated my goals for the month of February , I am happy and sad about my progress on them. So, I thought that I would share my progress thus far with the fine ppl here on the internet.
1. Go and check out the 15 Thrift Stores in the DC area on yellowpages.com
OK, so turns out that DC is a ShitShow when it comes to options for thrift stores. Now, when I say thrift stores, I am using the term in association with the concept of something being used, cheap, and some sort of bargain. In DC, this is not the meaning of the term thrift store. Thrift stores are a combination of Consignment shop (meaning old hags bring their shitty stuff to a second party's store to sell their crap for them at an inflated price), antique shop (meaning someone takes their heirlooms left to them by their dead grandparents and try to hock it off on some unsuspecting yuppie for more money than they would try and sell their actual grandparents for), and then, there are the notorious VINTAGE CLOTHING SHOPS. The vintage clothing shop is a place where down on their luck boutique owners try and sell garments that were found in a dirty piss-covered box in the back of their store when they rented it like it's the everyday man's equivalent to haute couture. These places are the worst. I am going to need you to either have clothing that was (a)made by a designer that I actually know, (b) not mostly $70 t shirts, or (c) washed in the past 30 years. That's just nasty.
Other than that, the yellowpages is very misguiding. Who knew that when you see a listing for the Salvation Army that you would actually be sent to Major So-and-So's answering machine? Apparently there actually is an army sent out for my salvation. Who knew.
2. Visit the Rober Frank exhibit at the National Gallery of Art
I have no excuse for not doing this one, I have just been too lazy to get on the Metro down to the Smithsonian to look at it. However, I did recommend it to my sister and her family, and although they wished that it was more focused on the black civil rights movement, they were intrigued nonetheless.
3. Print and frame some of my photographs to hang in my apartment
There was a couple of pictures of me and some of my best friends that I had been meaning to frame just for fun, not necessarily in terms of art, but I actually did it, so it counts, neh! *sticks tongue out*
4. Read and finish 1-2 books
Ok, so this one was not achieved, but great progress was made. Partially, because I was reading about 4 different books, I got through large chunks of two of them, and am almost done with both (should be finished with 2 by the end of this week), but a co-worker introduced me to Dan Savage's books, and I started reading one of his. But now I have stopped reading that one until i finish the other 2, so still pumping along, although behind schedule.
5. Go to the AFI Silver Theatre in Silver Spring
OK, well this one is again my fault. I was planning on going to see both Rachel Getting Married and Slumdog Millionaire at this theater, but then I wound up seeing Slumdog one night after work, and I would not have made it to Silver Spring in time to catch it, so I went to a theater in DC. And Rachel Getting Married left right before I was going to go and see it. But once they have another movie there that I want to see, I plan to be there.
6. Cook a really nice complete meal for myself (and possibly a few friends)
Well, I did cook a meal for myself last night (just missed it!), and it was good, but it wasn't from scratch. I also cooked a few good breakfast's for myself, does that count?
7. Find a book club and go to a meeting
Ok, found some book clubs through thenewgay.net , but none of them were reading books that I thought were interesting.
8. Go and actually use my apt building's workout gym
Yeah, I just didn't do that. Thought about it, and even told myself that I was going to go yesterday (only because I knew that that was the one time that it would be unavailable). Rats.
9. Find out exactly how my company's health insurance policy works and make plans to USE IT
This one I did! I found out what out vision insuranc plan is, and I have an appointment next Thursday! Yay me, I can finally stop wearing thise bi-weekly contact lenses that I have been sporting for 4 months.....yeah, just let that marinate for a minute......it's like having spoiled milk resting on my eyes.......
10. Go out on photography excursions at least 5 times
Made plans, but never did it. I went out with my camera once, but was too embarrased to take it out in groups of people. Gotta get over that....
11. Write more in general (blogging, journaling, creative writing)
Did this one! *see beginning of entry
12. Start keeping in touch with my friends and family more regularly
Did this one too!! Talked to alot of my friends that I hadn't in a while, and found out that one of them moved back to the United States! who knew! So that was very beneficial.
So, there you have it. 5 out of twelve completed, and four others attempted. I could go on about how I am not surprised, since I seem to never set and also achieve goals, but instead I am going to flip it. Wohoo!!!! I did 5 more things this month that I set out to do than I have in a LOOONG time!!! WOHOO!!! Suck on that teachers who always said that I am lazy and lack willpower! Hah!
Wait.
Since I have one month out of 22 years of accomplishment to show, maybe I can't really say that I beat them on that......Shit......
Oh well, I still didn't do as bad as I could.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I'm Trying to Get Better At This
Ok, so I know I said that I was going to try and write an update at least every Friday (I may have not written that here, but I told that to myself), and I didn't. I know that I said that I was going to write in here more often than I used to, but I really don't think that I am. As much as I am trying to become an everyday writer on my online journal/blog/whatever, I don't see that happening very soon. When I get home from work, I usually just check up on my fav blogs and websites, watch tv, and go to bed. I don't have the energy to crouch over a side table (i don't have a desk yet) and try to organize my thoughts into and entry. While I am at work, I do have free time, but I don't want to run the risk of having one of my co-workers discover my blog and start reading it regularly. Even as I write this I hope that no one wanders over to my desk and finds out the URL. See, I kindof enjoy the fact that not alot of people (maybe no one but myself), especially those in my everyday life, keep up with this thing. I mean, if I start to get into a rhythm and write more and more personal things about myself, it would be weird to know that everyone around me knows about these things and just aren't saying anything to me. Now I am sure that anyone reading this (hello? anyone out there?) would think that if I didn't want people knowing my personal business, then I probably shouldn't post it on the internet. And to that, I have a very simple explanation: it's fun!
It really is fun when you are sharing your life story with complete strangers, and unbeknownst to you, they are vicariously going through this journey with you. In the past, when i had an online journal, I would sometimes share something really crazy that happened in my life, and not only did the act of e-purging make me feel more at peace with the incident, but sometimes someone out there in cyberspace would comment with something like "i can't believe that you went through that! that's crazy" or "I went through something just like that, I feel so sorry for you man" or "Omg, I am so jealous of you right now". Just that small sense of connection can bring you a serenity that sharing with some of your closest friends can't even bring. Now I am not saying that sharing my stories with my friends isn't beneficial, but I am saying that sometimes your friends are not available, or sometimes they just cannot understand what you are going through. Personally, I have had points in my life where I really felt like I was going through something very serious, but I could not tell my friends about it, because I don't want them to give me the "quit bitching" speech or the "i've got it way worse than you" crap. It's nice to have an impartial audience. And other than that, I prefer writing things online to writing in a paper journal sometimes because I have had a few incidences in the past where I had my private thoughts made public against my will, and it was not enjoyable in the least. It's like that nightmare where you are at school naked and you can't go anywhere. This way, people I know can't find it unless they search for it. I don't post my URL on Facebook or Myspace or anything, I leave it to chance if someone I know happens upon my page.
However, I would like to compile more entries when I do take the time to post on here, so from now on, instead of trying to limit myself to one entry per sit-down, I will write all the entries that I can, that way, it should even out the spaces in between periods of time. We'll see how it goes.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday Morning Deserves an Update
So. It's another end to another week. At this point, they kind of blend into one another. This week felt soo long, yet today it feels like it was just last weekend yesterday. I think it's because all I do is go to work, come home, chit chat with friends, and try to make it into bed early enough that I am not fighting against myself to wake up in the morning and do it all over again. In all honesty, the most exciting thing about this week was that I discovered Trader Joe's grocery store. I think that I assumed that living in DC again would instantly give me a social life, it would make my world just seem that much better by default. And you know what? It actually did. As much as I sit around in my apartment and watch tv and eat frozen meals, it still feels great to just be in DC! When I was staying with my sister in Maryland, I got home from work, came home and watched tv and went to bed at a reasonable enough hour to wake up and do it all over again. So what's the difference between then and now? Now I am doing this by choice! If I wanted to go out I could. I could actually be out all night clubbing and drinking, but if I am going to wake up and drag my ass to work, then I need to go to bed at a decent hour (having a motion-sensored snooze button on an alarm clock doesn't make it any easier to get out of bed in the morning). But you know, I think that I am ready to go and start taking advantage of being back in a city with a downtown that goes beyond having a shopping mall. So, in order to hold myself accountable, I am going to write my to-do list on here. So, here goes my 12 goals to accomplish by the end of February:
1. Go and check out the 15 Thrift Stores in the DC area on yellowpages.com
2. Visit the Rober Frank exhibit at the National Gallery of Art
3. Print and frame some of my photographs to hang in my apartment
4. Read and finish 1-2 books
5. Go to the AFI Silver Theatre in Silver Spring
6. Cook a really nice complete meal for myself (and possibly a few friends)
7. Find a book club and go to a meeting
8. Go and actually use my apt building's workout gym
9. Find out exactly how my company's health insurance policy works and make plans to USE IT
10. Go out on photography excursions at least 5 times
11. Write more in general (blogging, journaling, creative writing)
12. Start keeping in touch with my friends and family more regularly
So, I think that to start, that's a very do-able list. I think that if I can accomplish these then I will be able to start adding more and more to the list until I am actually not just coming home everyday and falling into the same boring (yet comfortable) old routine. Wish me luck!
